I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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