wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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