im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
