I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
