don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize