Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
