I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
