How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
