Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
