thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Randomize
