It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
