Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
When are your genitals available?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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