Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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