Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
