As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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