I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
