he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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