your thong is hanging out like whoa
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Blood and glitter go together right?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
