I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
