I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We left an ass print on the piano.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
