just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
