Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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