Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
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well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
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Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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