i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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