Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
