i just had sex bonerless
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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