Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Ketchup is God's man juice
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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