Your mouth is God's brothel.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
