My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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