You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
