when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
