super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
