dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
