i would punch a child for taco bell
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
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I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
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He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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