omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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