That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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