I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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