You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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