Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Randomize
Follow @tfln