Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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