end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
