the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
