When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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