I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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