dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
