I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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