i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
