She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
