Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
