I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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