I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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