She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
