My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Enjoy the penises
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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