we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
