She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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