Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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