I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
