You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
