He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
