Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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