im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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