I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
