david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
