everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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