Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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