so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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